Listening Between the Words

ICF Core Competency #6: Listens Actively

For a long time, I thought good listening meant catching everything.

I took a lot of notes..way too many. Pages filled with names, timelines, and exact phrases. I wrote constantly during sessions, I

worried that if I didn’t capture it all, I’d miss something important or forget something I’d need later.

At the time, it felt responsible. Diligent. Professional.

What I didn’t see then was that I wasn’t really listening—and I definitely wasn’t fully present with my client.

What I didn’t realize was that I was listening almost entirely with my head.

It took me a while to understand that listening in coaching isn’t one thing. It happens at different levels. And as those levels deepen,

 listening becomes less about effort and more about connection.

This song came out of that realization.

The Song: Listening Between the Words

Verse 1
There’s a rhythm in the quiet,
A truth beneath the sound.
It’s not in what they’re saying
It’s where their heart is found.
Each silence has a story,
Each pause reveals the way.
I listen not to answer,
But to let their soul convey.

Chorus
Between the words, I hear the cry,
The dream that hides, the reason why.
I tune my heart, I still my mind,
To catch the wisdom left behind.
Not just the voice, but what’s unheard
That’s the art of listening between the words.

Verse 2
I hear the breath of courage rise,
The trembling edge of truth disguised.
Their laughter masks a deeper ache,
And I hold space for what might break.
I’m not here to solve or lead
Just to follow where they lead.
To mirror what they’ve yet to name,
Till insight lights their hidden flame.

Bridge
Presence is the melody,
Trust’s the steady beat.
When I listen with my spirit,
The client feels complete.

Final Chorus
Between the words, awareness grows,
Truth unfolds, the stillness knows.
This is how transformation stirs
Through the sacred act
Of listening between the words.

Lyrics written by Jamie Slingerland, MCC and Ruthie Slingerland, MCC.

Level 1 Listening: Hearing the Words

Level 1 listening is where most coaches start—and honestly, where a lot of us stay longer than we realize.

At this level, you’re listening to the content. The story. The situation. What happened. What’s wrong. What they want to fix.

Your brain is busy:

• Following the details

• Trying to understand the sequence

• Thinking about what to ask next

This is where my note-taking habit lived. Listening felt like work. Silence felt risky. I didn’t yet trust that the important stuff would stick if I didn’t write it all down.

Level 1 listening matters—but it’s mostly mental.

Level 2 Listening: Hearing Meaning

Level 2 listening starts to feel different.

You’re still hearing the words, but now you’re also noticing how they’re being said. Tone. Emotion. Patterns. The thing they keep circling back to.

You notice when something doesn’t quite line up. You hear what carries weight. You sense when the energy in the room shifts.

At this level:

• You write less

• You interrupt less

• You stay with the client longer

Listening becomes less about collecting information and more about understanding what this actually means to them.

This is where coaching starts to feel more human.

Level 3 Listening: Listening With Your Whole Self

Level 3 listening took me the longest to understand.

This kind of listening isn’t analytical. It’s not about tracking everything or mentally organizing the session. It’s listening with your whole self—not just your mind.

“I tune my heart, I still my mind.”

At Level 3, you stop trying so hard. You trust the space. You trust the client. You trust yourself.

You’re not over-synthesizing or managing the conversation internally. You’re present—and because of that, you hear what actually matters.

This is also where listening and coaching presence stop being separate things. They’re the same state. I wrote more about that connection in my post on ICF Core Competency #5: Maintains Presence here:
https://freedomlifejourney.com/icf-core-competency-5-maintains-presence/

Looking back, I can see that my copious notes were really about control. I didn’t fully trust the process yet. Or myself.

Learning to listen with my spirit changed the way I coach.

Why This Kind of Listening Connects

Level 3 listening changes how the client experiences the conversation.

They don’t feel analyzed.
They don’t feel managed.
They feel met.

“Between the words, awareness grows,
Truth unfolds, the stillness knows.”

That’s where insight shows up—not because the coach pushes for it, but because the space is quiet enough for the client to hear themselves.

That’s the heart of ICF Core Competency #6: Listens Actively.

You don’t have to hold the whole session in your head.
You just have to be there.

About Jamie & Ruthie

Jamie and Ruthie Slingerland are ICF Master Certified Coaches (MCCs) who serve leaders, executives, and coaches seeking deeper presence, clarity, and effectiveness. As life and leadership coaches based in the Nashville and Franklin area, they specialize in communication, leadership development, and the inner work required to lead well—especially when the stakes are high.

Their work is grounded in the ICF Core Competencies and shaped by years of real-world coaching with leaders navigating complexity, transition, and growth. Whether coaching individuals, leaders, or fellow coaches, Jamie and Ruthie focus on helping clients move beyond technique into trust, presence, and meaningful change.

If you’re looking for life or leadership coaching in the Nashville or Franklin area—and want to work with coaches who listen beyond the words—you can learn more at Freedom Life Journey.