3 Ways to Coach Better (By Doing Less)
I've been coaching long enough to know that most of what I thought I needed to do early on — I didn't.
I used to show up to sessions over-prepared. Notebook ready. Questions mapped out. I'd spend the drive over mentally rehearsing what kind of coach I was going to be that day. Some of those sessions were fine. But fine isn't really what coaching is supposed to be.
The sessions that actually changed things — for my clients and for me — happened when I stopped preparing so hard and started just showing up.
Here are three things I've let go of over the years that made me a better coach.
1. The Need to Have an Answer
Early on, there was this constant low-grade pressure to know things. To have a smart follow-up ready. To look like I understood what was happening before my client even finished their sentence.
That pressure cost me a lot.
When you're half-listening because you're already thinking about what to say next, you miss the thing that actually matters — usually something small, something quiet, something the client said almost in passing that held the whole session.
I remember sitting with a client once who was talking about her business. Somewhere in the middle of it she said, almost to herself, "I just don't think I deserve it yet." She kept talking. I almost let it go.
I didn't. I stopped her. "Say more about that."
We spent the rest of the session right there. That one moment cracked something open for her.
I didn't find it because I was smart. I found it because I wasn't trying to be.
Not knowing isn't a weakness in coaching. It's actually where the real work lives.
2. The Pressure to Do It Right
Perfectionism in coaching is sneaky. It doesn't always look like perfectionism — sometimes it looks like thoroughness, or preparation, or trying to honor your client by bringing your best.
But underneath it, it's still fear. Fear of a session that doesn't land. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of looking like you don't know what you're doing.
When I'm tight, my clients feel tight. There's no way around that. You can't fake presence, and you can't manufacture safety. The more I tried to run a good session, the less room there was for anything real to happen.
Somewhere along the way I made a quiet deal with myself: I'm going to be here more than I'm going to be good.
It changed things pretty fast.
The sessions that have meant the most to my clients — the ones they still bring up years later — were never the ones where I executed perfectly. They were the ones where we were honest with each other. Where something unexpected came up and we stayed with it instead of steering back to the agenda.
Presence is the technique. Everything else is secondary.
3. The Notes
This one might be the most practical shift, and honestly the hardest to let go of — because taking notes feels responsible. It feels like you're tracking things, honoring what your client says, being diligent.
And maybe at the start, you need some of that scaffolding.
But at some point, the notes become a place to hide.
I used to leave sessions with pages of things I'd written down. And I remember thinking one day — if I had to choose between what I wrote and what I actually heard, which would I pick? The answer was uncomfortable.
So I ran an experiment. Just the coaching agreement — which I sort out before we even begin — and maybe one phrase that stayed with me. That's it.
The difference was immediate. I was actually in the conversation. I started hearing what wasn't being said. I noticed pauses. Shifts in energy. The moments when someone's voice changed.
You can't catch any of that when your eyes are on a page.
Less writing, more listening. That's where the coaching lives.
One Last Thing
Nobody tells you when you get trained as a coach that the goal is eventually to get out of your own way.
The tools are useful. The frameworks matter. But they're training wheels. At some point, you're supposed to ride without them.
What makes a great coach isn't technique — it's the kind of presence your client feels when they sit across from you and realizes: this person is actually with me. Not managing me, not fixing me. Just with me.
That's the work.
If you're in the Nashville or Franklin, TN area and you're wondering whether coaching might be the right next step for you — or you just want to talk through where you are — I'd love to hear from you.
