Ethics is a Relationship: Embodying ICF Core Competency #1

By Jamie Slingerland, MCC & Ruthie Slingerland, MCC 

Ruthie and I were thinking of a powerful way to teach ethics and its such a left-brain thing. So we decided to create lyrics and have music demonstrate what ethics not just is but what it feels like in coaching.     We have created 8  songs 1  for each of   the  ICF Core Competencies.

Ruthie and I have been experimenting with something unconventional in our mentor coaching work: writing a song for each of the eight competencies. We didn’t start with a marketing strategy; we started with a question:

What would it sound like if the competencies were lived instead of just explained?

Fran Fisher, MCC,  worked alongside us on several of the songs, helping shape both the lyrics and the heart of the message. We want to honor her here as one of the absolute best ICF mentor coaches we know. The depth, clarity, and  maturity she brings to her mentor coaching programs is rare. 

Why Use Music for the ICF Core Competencies?

Let’s be honest most of us start learning the ICF code of Ethics by memorizing  information.  . While that technical knowledge is foundational for ICF certification, mastery is actually about embodiment.

Masterful coaching is all about what  happens between the words. It’s your tone, your ease and being relaxed so your client is the focus. Music has a way of bypassing the analytical brain; a song doesn’t ask you to memorize—it invites you to feel what the competency is pointing toward.

Song One: Demonstrates Ethical Practice

The first song in our series is inspired by ICF Core Competency #1: Demonstrates Ethical Practice. If you missed our previous post on Coaching Agreements   https://freedomlifejourney.com/icf-coaching-song-no-agreement-no-coaching/

 it serves as a perfect companion to this reflection.

The anchor of this song is a single, clear distinction:

“Coach stay stead, stay in your lane, keep the boundary clear and plain.”

In professional coaching, ethics depend less on knowing a rulebook and more on role clarity. Remember what a coach does and stay away from consulting (Advice giving), Teaching and stepping into the role of therapist.

Another line captures the heart of ethical restraint:

“No advice dressed up as grace / Just questions held in open space.”

Staying in your lane  isn’t about being cold  or holding back  it’s about  honoring your client’s agenda..

A Common Thread: The Power of Presence

As we develop all eight songs, a consistent theme has emerged: mastery invites the coach to do less, not more. * Less fixing.

• Less steering.

• Less proving.

• More presence.

Whether the focus is on ethical practice or facilitating growth, the invitation remains the same: be someone the client can truly trust.

Not Just Teaching Tools—Reminders

These songs aren’t meant to replace your coach training.  They are reminders of what it feels like to coach “cleanly.” We’ve found that when the competencies move from the head into the body, something in the coach softens.

An Invitation to Listen If you are currently pursuing your ACC, PCC, or MCC, we invite you to listen—not to analyze the structure, but to notice what resonates. This series is our way of honoring these standards as “ways of being” rather than just “tasks to complete.”

Coach stay in your lane. 

Inspired by ICF Core Competency #1: Demonstrates Ethical Practice

When in doubt be clear and true
Transparency will carry you
Do what’s best it is never small
That is the ground beneath it all

Keep your client’s story sealed
Confidential and never revealed
Ask for consent before you share
Integrity is the breath of care

I am not a therapist not their guide
I’m a partner  by their side
I am a mirror calm and whole
Trust and ethics shape my role

Honor boundaries hold them strong
When pressure tempts don’t go along
Stay in the role that is yours to keep
Let coaching roots grow calm and deep

I am not a therapist not their guide
I’m a partner  by their side
I am the mirror calm and whole
Trust and ethics shape my role

No advice dressed up as grace
Just questions held in open space
I serve their truth I heed their call
That’s the ground beneath it all

Coach, stay steady in your lane
Keep the boundary clear and plain
Not the hero, no need to control
Ethics first—that’s how we roll

When goals conflict or lines get blurred
Return to presence heart assured
Ethics is not just a wall
It is love that listens through it all

I am not a therapist not their guide
I’m their partner standing by their side
I am the mirror calm and whole
Trust and ethics shape my role

lyrics by Jamie Slingerland, MCC, Ruthie Slingerland, MCC, and Fran Fisher, MCC